The past several days, I have been increasingly disturbed as certain photos and statuses are shared over and again, showing up repeatedly on my Facebook page. The topic might be end times, witchcraft/mediums or things of those nature. All touchy subjects in our "anything goes" American culture. But it isn't even the dubious nature of the postings that has me so upset...it is the comments (sometimes into the thousands) underneath, showing the absolute ignorance in the "Christian" body today.
Many of these comments are well meaning - but off base. And some are just bizarre. Some from people out to destroy Christ-following beliefs. Some simply an extension of a society where even Christ followers seek after feel-good philosophies and ideas.
Now, lately I have been criticized for wanting "love" to supersede "truth." That analysis couldn't be farther from what I truly believe. People, claiming to love Jesus, are spouting out doctrine that is simply not true...and making a mockery of the Bible and the God it embodies in its pages. That makes me angry, just as it does my 'critics'! I, too, cringe as I read ignorant comments from people crediting God or the Bible for their twisted theology. Yet, I am fairly sure they've read a piece of Scripture here and there and never gone to the work to read the whole thing. That is a little like putting together a puzzle with half the pieces and passing it off as a work of art. Except the implications here are much more dangerous.
If you profess to be a Christian, you must read your Bible; you must seek to know truth. You must turn your back on what the world says is truth. That's what it means to be a Christian. To follow Christ. We are, too often, trying to meld this culture's secular humanist self-help model of living with a few often-cited Scriptures to make our own comfortable brand of religion. This too, makes me angry. How dishonoring to a very real God who has laid truth out for us.
I believe this whole-heartedly. I believe in Jesus as the Son of God, and I believe that He inspired every word in the Bible to help me live an honoring life, seeking Him. I fall sloppily short often, but I open the pages back up and begin reading again to understand a piece of this majestic God I get to call "Father."
Yet, I have recently been criticized much in the same way I am criticizing the ignorance of the people posting comments that are not biblically true. Let me be clear, I do not want to subscribe to a more comfortable brand of Christianity. I want to follow God - including the hard truths in between the covers of His Word. But I also feel those words should inspire me to action. And yes, to love people. Because if I have all the knowledge contained in those pages and do nothing with them, I am no more productive than an athlete watching training videos as their sole means to training for a sporting event. The truth must propel me to action.
You cannot love people the way Jesus commands us to without knowing His Word in its entirety - hard truths included. But neither can knowledge without love and action surely fully please Him either.
I have fallen often and messily. But I will return to the training book over and again and soak in its Words - praying that God will inspire me with its words each and every time. And I will use those words to help me live and love in an imperfect world, where I am an incredibly imperfect participant, yet showered by His grace. How can I do any less than extend love and grace in this world when I am such an undeserving recipient myself?
If that makes me weak or inferior or too "needy", there you have it. And thank God that I am. I am needy. I am in need of His grace as I fall short every single day. I am in need of others to show me love and grace. I am in need of brothers and sisters in Christ who will hold me accountable, help me to learn and steer me back on track. I don't simply desire a "feel-good" message, I desire real relationship with real people who will help me live in a 'real hard' world, with honor and godliness as much as I can.
So - you will never, ever hear me say the words "thank goodness I'm 'there' " Because I'm not "there." As I've stated, I fall short again and again. But one thing I take seriously is the Word of my God. And I ask you, as a sister in Christ, do not quote Him and give Him credit for words unless you're sure He's spoken them. Because though we live under a grace-giving, merciful Father who knows our hearts, we are speaking to an unforgiving, critical generation who loves to see our inconsistencies and errors. Speak your words carefully. Quote His words more carefully still. Don't fall into the trap I've set for myself in the past, serving a God I'd made up in my mind - my image of Him carefully boxed up and tied with a nice, neat bow. His truths and all the facets of who He is cannot be contained. Make sure the Christ you proclaim is the one found on the pages of Scripture...not a Messiah you've created on your own that comfortably fits your ideals. Because none of us will be prepared for how awesome and majestic He is - but I want all of my knowledge of Him, here on earth, to come straight from His own Word. Please, as you go forward wanting to proclaim truth in an unbelieving world, do so carefully. Study carefully and speak more carefully still.
I say this to you and I say it to myself. God, help us honor you with our words.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
I Love God...So Why Is Life So Hard?!
Yesterday, we had a guest speaker at church who talked about the average person having a life that goes up and down. Trials and triumphs. Then he quipped, 'when God promised to give believers life abundantly, He delivered. The highs are even higher...and the lows are even lower!'
I laughed because it is SO true. I have a friend who has compared life to a hamster wheel. In mock (and sometimes not-so-mock) dispair, she asked "what is the point?!"
Now you know the quick, "Jesus-y" answer I could give. We all KNOW the point of this life. But sometimes we still wonder about the "whys" of it all. God gave me a little illustration this morning.
As I navigated the track bright and early this morning, after two days of not walking, I found my legs rather stiff. After a couple times around my sphere of torture (okay, okay, I'm joking...kind of), I was loosened up and ready to really roll. I came around the corner of the track, heading south when it hit. A wind so heavy and persistent, it felt like I had a physical wall in front of me. I pushed the stroller with all my might against the wall of wind and seriously contemplated turning off at the exit!
After a few more laps, battling the wind while heading in one direction, I was hit with this revelation. My exercise routine this morning was a bit like life. I would be cruising along just fine and then I would turn the corner and be hit by the wind (insert your trial or circumstance here).
But one thing became clear to me as I continued walking. After pushing against the wind, when I turned the other corner, the wind was at my back. I was gently propelled forward and felt as though I was getting a rest in the midst of my walk. (Isn't God kinda like that?)
My scenery hadn't changed. The track was still a firm, solid ground. I had on shoes supporting my feet, my legs supporting my body. The wind was making my workout a little harder, true. But when it was all said and done, those moments walking against the wind were making me a little stronger.
Isn't that what trials do for us? They help us to strengthen our spiritual muscles.
And God is so faithful. If we will only keep our eyes on Him, we find rest, we find Him as the wind at our back, propelling us forward. Carrying us.
Here's the clincher. I hadn't walked for two days. My body was a little week, a little lazy. I was less equipped to hit that wall of wind.
I do that with my spiritual muscles too. I get spiritually lazy. I fall into patterns where I don't read my Bible daily. I claim to know God's Word and God's will when I am not in His Word to know what His will is.
Doing life without reading His Word or following His truth is a lot like competing in a triatholon without training!
Sometimes life does seem a bit like running tirelessly on a hamster wheel. But that is not God's plan for us. He has things for us to learn and help us grow in absolutely every stage or circumstance He allows. He gave us life. It is a privelege to run this race and we are wise to bear in mind the Helper we have to help us run well.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24
We are all here doing this thing called "life" together. As fellow believers we can be the "wind" at someone else's back, propelling them forward.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7
God indeed gives us life abundantly. We will have the highest of highs. But we will still experience lows. Lows that make us ask "why?" and cry out to Him. But that is just it. We can cry out to Him. He will NEVER let our "lows" or suffering be wasted. We can grow in these dark places in unparalelled ways. But we have to be willing to let Him mold us.
In my walk, I loved when I could feel the wind at my back, gently guiding me along. But it was when I faced the wind that I was strengthening myself the most. Pushing through, determined to finish my walk well.
How I wish to do the same in this Walk He blessed me with.
I laughed because it is SO true. I have a friend who has compared life to a hamster wheel. In mock (and sometimes not-so-mock) dispair, she asked "what is the point?!"
Now you know the quick, "Jesus-y" answer I could give. We all KNOW the point of this life. But sometimes we still wonder about the "whys" of it all. God gave me a little illustration this morning.
As I navigated the track bright and early this morning, after two days of not walking, I found my legs rather stiff. After a couple times around my sphere of torture (okay, okay, I'm joking...kind of), I was loosened up and ready to really roll. I came around the corner of the track, heading south when it hit. A wind so heavy and persistent, it felt like I had a physical wall in front of me. I pushed the stroller with all my might against the wall of wind and seriously contemplated turning off at the exit!
After a few more laps, battling the wind while heading in one direction, I was hit with this revelation. My exercise routine this morning was a bit like life. I would be cruising along just fine and then I would turn the corner and be hit by the wind (insert your trial or circumstance here).
But one thing became clear to me as I continued walking. After pushing against the wind, when I turned the other corner, the wind was at my back. I was gently propelled forward and felt as though I was getting a rest in the midst of my walk. (Isn't God kinda like that?)
My scenery hadn't changed. The track was still a firm, solid ground. I had on shoes supporting my feet, my legs supporting my body. The wind was making my workout a little harder, true. But when it was all said and done, those moments walking against the wind were making me a little stronger.
Isn't that what trials do for us? They help us to strengthen our spiritual muscles.
And God is so faithful. If we will only keep our eyes on Him, we find rest, we find Him as the wind at our back, propelling us forward. Carrying us.
Here's the clincher. I hadn't walked for two days. My body was a little week, a little lazy. I was less equipped to hit that wall of wind.
I do that with my spiritual muscles too. I get spiritually lazy. I fall into patterns where I don't read my Bible daily. I claim to know God's Word and God's will when I am not in His Word to know what His will is.
Doing life without reading His Word or following His truth is a lot like competing in a triatholon without training!
Sometimes life does seem a bit like running tirelessly on a hamster wheel. But that is not God's plan for us. He has things for us to learn and help us grow in absolutely every stage or circumstance He allows. He gave us life. It is a privelege to run this race and we are wise to bear in mind the Helper we have to help us run well.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24
We are all here doing this thing called "life" together. As fellow believers we can be the "wind" at someone else's back, propelling them forward.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7
God indeed gives us life abundantly. We will have the highest of highs. But we will still experience lows. Lows that make us ask "why?" and cry out to Him. But that is just it. We can cry out to Him. He will NEVER let our "lows" or suffering be wasted. We can grow in these dark places in unparalelled ways. But we have to be willing to let Him mold us.
In my walk, I loved when I could feel the wind at my back, gently guiding me along. But it was when I faced the wind that I was strengthening myself the most. Pushing through, determined to finish my walk well.
How I wish to do the same in this Walk He blessed me with.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
My Mission Field
This has been one of those weeks. I am discouraged. Looking around me, I think "this isn't what the picture in my head looks like!"
In my head, I have a squeaky clean nine year old and six year old studiously working on their seatwork. I have a just-turned-four year old who is quietly sitting on the floor putting together puzzles while reciting poetry. And my four month old is laying quietly on a quilt smiling and cooing and smelling all baby fresh. And me? I am put together, hair and make-up in place, with a text book in one hand and cook book in the other, effortlessly caring for my home and teaching my children all at the same time.
Reality check.
I just realized my nine year old IS sitting at the table working studiously...with her hair in knots because she gave up after patiently asking me fifteen times for help braiding the unruly mess. My six year old is also at the table, but more kinda upside down (how is that even possible?!) as he works on his math. That four year old is yelling from the room "EEWWW, that baby PUKED!" as she runs around moving my perfectly organized books from one shelf to another. And that four month year old? Yep, she did spit up...among other things...leaving her not smelling so fresh. Here we go, bath number two for the day! She is teething; we've been up for the past two nights and both mama and baby are D.O.N.E. And the cook book? Forget it. We will be having sandwiches again today - and don't even ask me about supper right now. As for me? My hair is in a frizzy mess. Makeup...are you KIDDING? Old jeans and t-shirt. And the all exclusive fragrance of baby spit up as my main eau de toilette.
And the little nagging voice starts as the picture from Better Homes and Gardens fades.
"You can't do this."
"You aren't giving those kids what they need."
"Look at the mess this house is."
"Look at YOU!"
"You can't do this."
Stop.
Truth.
"You can do this - but only through the love, grace and strength of Christ."
"God will give equip you every step of the way, filling in the gaps."
"Okay...the house really is a mess."
THIS is my mission field. These four children under this roof; they are my mission. Not just to supply their physical needs but to bring them up in the Lord. We definitely don't "do life" perfectly or even prettily but we do turn to Jesus again and again, and I pray that despite all the other things I may do that cause my kids to need therapy, they will walk away with a strong relationship with their Creator and Savior.
As a longing fills my heart to be better, to do better, instead I will turn to Jesus who is the best. That I will let Him fill me up instead of looking around to see how I am falling short. I pray that I will recognize that when I am overwhelmed, it is because I am trying to do the impossible on my own power instead of through Him who gives me strength.
This is my mission field.
Sometimes I imagine forging out into the secular world, working a nine to five job, working 'behind the scenes' to bring others to Christ. Sounds noble, eh?
Or to journey off to some other country and hug and love on orphans and tell people about Jesus. Aw, foreign missionaries - unsung heroes who inspire me with their courage and vision. Talk about sacrifice and working for God's kingdom.
Or maybe I could write some amazing book. Teach a group of women. Join a club. Start a revival. There is so much to DO.
But THIS is my mission field.
In my stained clothes, with the only color on my face being the rings under my eyes. With a house that needs a good cleaning and purging. With kids who aren't lined up straight in a row reciting answers to me, kids who are living, learning ....and hanging upside down doing their addition facts. Homeschooling my children. Rocking the baby. Making a bazillion meals a week and doing my best to keep my house 'presentable'. Trying really hard to make home a safe haven for my husband as he comes home after working in the big ol' crazy world all day.
This is my mission field and this is my mission for now:
To raise these four beautiful children to know that they are loved more than they can fathom by a mom and a dad who desire the very best for them. And that best, to us, means knowing Jesus in a very personal way. To train up our children biblically and academically. To take care of our home and to remember that whether I always cherish the role or not, I am the heart of this home. The children looking up to me and sitting under my teaching will gather a large portion of what it means to be a disciple by watching me. My husband can only be as happy as he finds me when he walks in that door.
This is my mission field.
I will embrace it.
On the mountain tops.
And in the valleys when the only mountains are the towering piles of laundry awaiting me.
Because no matter how I view my work, God says it is priceless. I pray I will do it well - what "well" looks like through His eyes, not my own.
Because I am grateful that, for now, God gave me this mission.
This has been one of those weeks. I am discouraged. Looking around me, I think "this isn't what the picture in my head looks like!"
In my head, I have a squeaky clean nine year old and six year old studiously working on their seatwork. I have a just-turned-four year old who is quietly sitting on the floor putting together puzzles while reciting poetry. And my four month old is laying quietly on a quilt smiling and cooing and smelling all baby fresh. And me? I am put together, hair and make-up in place, with a text book in one hand and cook book in the other, effortlessly caring for my home and teaching my children all at the same time.
Reality check.
I just realized my nine year old IS sitting at the table working studiously...with her hair in knots because she gave up after patiently asking me fifteen times for help braiding the unruly mess. My six year old is also at the table, but more kinda upside down (how is that even possible?!) as he works on his math. That four year old is yelling from the room "EEWWW, that baby PUKED!" as she runs around moving my perfectly organized books from one shelf to another. And that four month year old? Yep, she did spit up...among other things...leaving her not smelling so fresh. Here we go, bath number two for the day! She is teething; we've been up for the past two nights and both mama and baby are D.O.N.E. And the cook book? Forget it. We will be having sandwiches again today - and don't even ask me about supper right now. As for me? My hair is in a frizzy mess. Makeup...are you KIDDING? Old jeans and t-shirt. And the all exclusive fragrance of baby spit up as my main eau de toilette.
And the little nagging voice starts as the picture from Better Homes and Gardens fades.
"You can't do this."
"You aren't giving those kids what they need."
"Look at the mess this house is."
"Look at YOU!"
"You can't do this."
Stop.
Truth.
"You can do this - but only through the love, grace and strength of Christ."
"God will give equip you every step of the way, filling in the gaps."
"Okay...the house really is a mess."
THIS is my mission field. These four children under this roof; they are my mission. Not just to supply their physical needs but to bring them up in the Lord. We definitely don't "do life" perfectly or even prettily but we do turn to Jesus again and again, and I pray that despite all the other things I may do that cause my kids to need therapy, they will walk away with a strong relationship with their Creator and Savior.
As a longing fills my heart to be better, to do better, instead I will turn to Jesus who is the best. That I will let Him fill me up instead of looking around to see how I am falling short. I pray that I will recognize that when I am overwhelmed, it is because I am trying to do the impossible on my own power instead of through Him who gives me strength.
This is my mission field.
Sometimes I imagine forging out into the secular world, working a nine to five job, working 'behind the scenes' to bring others to Christ. Sounds noble, eh?
Or to journey off to some other country and hug and love on orphans and tell people about Jesus. Aw, foreign missionaries - unsung heroes who inspire me with their courage and vision. Talk about sacrifice and working for God's kingdom.
Or maybe I could write some amazing book. Teach a group of women. Join a club. Start a revival. There is so much to DO.
But THIS is my mission field.
In my stained clothes, with the only color on my face being the rings under my eyes. With a house that needs a good cleaning and purging. With kids who aren't lined up straight in a row reciting answers to me, kids who are living, learning ....and hanging upside down doing their addition facts. Homeschooling my children. Rocking the baby. Making a bazillion meals a week and doing my best to keep my house 'presentable'. Trying really hard to make home a safe haven for my husband as he comes home after working in the big ol' crazy world all day.
This is my mission field and this is my mission for now:
To raise these four beautiful children to know that they are loved more than they can fathom by a mom and a dad who desire the very best for them. And that best, to us, means knowing Jesus in a very personal way. To train up our children biblically and academically. To take care of our home and to remember that whether I always cherish the role or not, I am the heart of this home. The children looking up to me and sitting under my teaching will gather a large portion of what it means to be a disciple by watching me. My husband can only be as happy as he finds me when he walks in that door.
This is my mission field.
I will embrace it.
On the mountain tops.
And in the valleys when the only mountains are the towering piles of laundry awaiting me.
Because no matter how I view my work, God says it is priceless. I pray I will do it well - what "well" looks like through His eyes, not my own.
Because I am grateful that, for now, God gave me this mission.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Jesus...are you there?
I sat in silent amusement as I watched my 3 year old and 6 year old work together to construct a tent out of blankets in our living room. They were valiantly working together, without the usual aid of their peace-making older sister, while keeping a lid on their tempers. As the blanket Mollie (3) was working on fell for the umpteenth time, she sighed heavily...her lower lip protruded...and then...she caught herself before a full-fledged tantrum. Proud mama moment! Then she said "Jesus...pleeeeeaassse make it stay up!!"
It fell.
In frustrated unbelief: "Jesus!!!???" She started to get mad again and noticed me sitting there.
"Mom...will you ask the Lord to help me?"
What do I say to that other than "of course" and proceeded to pray with her (in 3 year old terms) for help to figure out how to solve her problem. So we prayed out loud together.
Mollie smiled, content, and turned back to her work...then turned back expectantly. Then the kicker.
"Well?? Did He say yes?"
It was one of those absolutely priceless, cute-as-a-button moments. Her innocent trust was so sweet. Yet as I sat there, something dawned on me.
She sounded an awful lot like me.
How many times do I stomp my feet, asking Jesus for something and then throw a fit because I don't get my way? He could deliver but didn't. I wanted an answer but didn't hear (or couldn't accept the "no" or "wait" answer that I got!) So I get mad and question Him.... "Jesus!!!??"
And then, I seek someone else out. Someone He might listen to better. "Please pray for this..." I ask in a panic. Now there is not a thing wrong with asking someone for prayers. But admittedly, sometimes I do it because in the deepest part of me, I feel like He'll hear someone who is a "better Christian" than me. Or I seek someone else's opinion because just maybe they will have the answer I am looking for and I won't have to wait patiently (my least favorite thing!)
The thing I loved about tonight's Bible study, given by Mollie without her even knowing it, was that later tonight, she still wanted to talk to Jesus. She wasn't mad that He hadn't given her an answer to what she wanted in the way she wanted. In fact, she was perfectly content with the fact that her brother had lent her a helping hand. She was able to see that his help might just have been the provision she needed, not a blanket that magically stayed put.
Ah, that I would have the grace and innocent faith of a child. We believe in what we do not see. That is faith. And sometimes He is so faithful to just give us a little glimpse!
It fell.
In frustrated unbelief: "Jesus!!!???" She started to get mad again and noticed me sitting there.
"Mom...will you ask the Lord to help me?"
What do I say to that other than "of course" and proceeded to pray with her (in 3 year old terms) for help to figure out how to solve her problem. So we prayed out loud together.
Mollie smiled, content, and turned back to her work...then turned back expectantly. Then the kicker.
"Well?? Did He say yes?"
It was one of those absolutely priceless, cute-as-a-button moments. Her innocent trust was so sweet. Yet as I sat there, something dawned on me.
She sounded an awful lot like me.
How many times do I stomp my feet, asking Jesus for something and then throw a fit because I don't get my way? He could deliver but didn't. I wanted an answer but didn't hear (or couldn't accept the "no" or "wait" answer that I got!) So I get mad and question Him.... "Jesus!!!??"
And then, I seek someone else out. Someone He might listen to better. "Please pray for this..." I ask in a panic. Now there is not a thing wrong with asking someone for prayers. But admittedly, sometimes I do it because in the deepest part of me, I feel like He'll hear someone who is a "better Christian" than me. Or I seek someone else's opinion because just maybe they will have the answer I am looking for and I won't have to wait patiently (my least favorite thing!)
The thing I loved about tonight's Bible study, given by Mollie without her even knowing it, was that later tonight, she still wanted to talk to Jesus. She wasn't mad that He hadn't given her an answer to what she wanted in the way she wanted. In fact, she was perfectly content with the fact that her brother had lent her a helping hand. She was able to see that his help might just have been the provision she needed, not a blanket that magically stayed put.
Ah, that I would have the grace and innocent faith of a child. We believe in what we do not see. That is faith. And sometimes He is so faithful to just give us a little glimpse!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
He Calls Me Friend
Last night, I was blessed to attend an amazing Good Friday production; it was absolutely stirring. I need a whole other blog opportunity to share how much this performance awoke in me. But I have to share my strange preoccupation with the way Jesus interacted with the disciples. I felt an odd longing I couldn't quite place my finger on at the time.
"On the outside looking in" was always more than a cliche to me. I have felt so many times throughout my life like I was doing this exact thing. I would view other friendships, other families absolutely sure that they had it "all together". They had somehow achieved this delicate balance of near perfection that always seemed to elude me. I was sure that other people didn't have the ugliness pervade their thought processes that mine sometimes did. Sure that other families didn't struggle. Sure that other people had perfect Godly friendships and marriages straight out of a Karen Kingsbury novel.
Thankfully God graciously, mercifully allowed other Christ-following individuals to let me into their own "messiness." Soon I saw that all couples, all families, all friendships have those "ick" moments too. I am forever grateful for the amazing individuals God placed in my life who allowed me to see that "ugly" can be beautiful too...that it is through the tough stuff where we grow the most.
And yet...I still hold on to perceptions and expectations that are placed on me...by me. This morning, I stood in my kitchen, finishing Easter preparations with my hair in complete disarray, spit up staining my old t-shirt, baby prunes making an ugly brown blotch on my shorts. The kids were finishing up their Easter eggs; by this time they had forsaken any utensils left to soak the eggs and were simply using their fingers to place eggs into the dye. I was too tired to muster up any energy to be upset by the fact that when they are arrayed in their Easter finery tomorrow, they will still most likely, have the remnants of a rainbow on their hands. I looked around and thought "the person I want to be, wouldn't be standing here in this chaos."
It then hit me with all the force of a July thunderstorm. I was expecting perfection of me because I was still wanting to be "good enough" for the amazing people God has placed in my life. (They have never demanded perfection of me; only I put those demands on myself.) And as stood there, fairly sure that I could smell a dirty diaper somewhere even beyond the stench of the spit up pervading my nostrils, I was hit by another thunder clap. I still, STILL, even after all the preaching I do to others, thought I needed to hit closer to perfection to be called Jesus's friend.
I KNEW He was my Savior. I KNEW He was my King. But the reason, at last night's production, I had a lump in my throat as the fictitious Jesus hugged His disciples after He had risen, was because I wanted Him to love me like THAT.
He already does.
In my smelly clothes. When I lose my patience. When I mess up.
He loves me like THAT.
He wants to embrace me as an old friend. He knows me. And He wants me to know Him.
And that is when it clicked. The door to freedom. I want to know Jesus. Not know what He can do for me. Not serve Him to rack up heavenly points. But to know Him. To face Him after this earthly life is over for me and be able to embrace Him and say "friend." Teacher, yes. Lord, most definitely. Most High, absolutely. But also, Friend. He's my friend.
And He thought I was worth dying for. I have heard it said many times "if you were the only person in the world, Jesus still would have died on the cross." That hit me hard today.
He really would have. Died. Just for me, to save me so we could fellowship in eternity.
That is love. He calls me friend.
And for the rest of this earthly life, I pray that I will never take my eyes off Him. Learning to be more like Him, being His hands and feet here. Learning to see Him in the world we live in. So that when I finally, stand...or most likely, kneel...before Him, I might hear the words "well done...Friend." Not because I was "good enough" or "did enough" but because He loved me and I spent my life loving Him and longing to know Him. Help me know You, Jesus.
"On the outside looking in" was always more than a cliche to me. I have felt so many times throughout my life like I was doing this exact thing. I would view other friendships, other families absolutely sure that they had it "all together". They had somehow achieved this delicate balance of near perfection that always seemed to elude me. I was sure that other people didn't have the ugliness pervade their thought processes that mine sometimes did. Sure that other families didn't struggle. Sure that other people had perfect Godly friendships and marriages straight out of a Karen Kingsbury novel.
Thankfully God graciously, mercifully allowed other Christ-following individuals to let me into their own "messiness." Soon I saw that all couples, all families, all friendships have those "ick" moments too. I am forever grateful for the amazing individuals God placed in my life who allowed me to see that "ugly" can be beautiful too...that it is through the tough stuff where we grow the most.
And yet...I still hold on to perceptions and expectations that are placed on me...by me. This morning, I stood in my kitchen, finishing Easter preparations with my hair in complete disarray, spit up staining my old t-shirt, baby prunes making an ugly brown blotch on my shorts. The kids were finishing up their Easter eggs; by this time they had forsaken any utensils left to soak the eggs and were simply using their fingers to place eggs into the dye. I was too tired to muster up any energy to be upset by the fact that when they are arrayed in their Easter finery tomorrow, they will still most likely, have the remnants of a rainbow on their hands. I looked around and thought "the person I want to be, wouldn't be standing here in this chaos."
It then hit me with all the force of a July thunderstorm. I was expecting perfection of me because I was still wanting to be "good enough" for the amazing people God has placed in my life. (They have never demanded perfection of me; only I put those demands on myself.) And as stood there, fairly sure that I could smell a dirty diaper somewhere even beyond the stench of the spit up pervading my nostrils, I was hit by another thunder clap. I still, STILL, even after all the preaching I do to others, thought I needed to hit closer to perfection to be called Jesus's friend.
I KNEW He was my Savior. I KNEW He was my King. But the reason, at last night's production, I had a lump in my throat as the fictitious Jesus hugged His disciples after He had risen, was because I wanted Him to love me like THAT.
He already does.
In my smelly clothes. When I lose my patience. When I mess up.
He loves me like THAT.
He wants to embrace me as an old friend. He knows me. And He wants me to know Him.
And that is when it clicked. The door to freedom. I want to know Jesus. Not know what He can do for me. Not serve Him to rack up heavenly points. But to know Him. To face Him after this earthly life is over for me and be able to embrace Him and say "friend." Teacher, yes. Lord, most definitely. Most High, absolutely. But also, Friend. He's my friend.
And He thought I was worth dying for. I have heard it said many times "if you were the only person in the world, Jesus still would have died on the cross." That hit me hard today.
He really would have. Died. Just for me, to save me so we could fellowship in eternity.
That is love. He calls me friend.
And for the rest of this earthly life, I pray that I will never take my eyes off Him. Learning to be more like Him, being His hands and feet here. Learning to see Him in the world we live in. So that when I finally, stand...or most likely, kneel...before Him, I might hear the words "well done...Friend." Not because I was "good enough" or "did enough" but because He loved me and I spent my life loving Him and longing to know Him. Help me know You, Jesus.
Monday, January 30, 2012
My Christianity Habit
A couple of weeks ago, my pastor made a comment about the "sub-culture" of Christianity. This comment, though hardly the point of his sermon, has stuck with me ever since.
The sub culture of Christianity...
the music "we" listen to
the phrases "we" glibly throw around...knowing others 'like us' will get it
the emblems on "our" cars
the books "we" buy by the bag full showing how educated and Christ-like we really are (because I just know Jesus cased Barnes and Noble looking for the latest book telling Him how to get it all together...or affirming that He already had it down)
So I am totally not making fun of my brothers and sisters in the faith. At all. This was simply a highly convicting moment for me.
You see, there isn't anything wrong with any of that. I'm not giving up my Toby Mac or love of reading. So why is this bothering me so much? Those things are all good things. But they aren't so great if they've replaced my 'first love.' Jesus. Have I replaced truly worshipping God by turning Christianity into...a habit?
I think there are many seasons that I've done just that...and I think I was just caught in one otherwise that single comment wouldn't have rattled around in this ol' skull of mine so persistently.
If we aren't very careful, we can let the joy of our relationship with Christ turn into simply another list of things to do and not to do. Tallying them up at the end of the week...making sure that we've 'acted' more like a Christian than not.
Where is the awe in that? The utter amazement at an amazing God. I can sing along to lyrics that proclaim His greatness. Or I can read books that talk about how good He is. But do I stop to meditate on His truths, His Word myself? In this fast-food, instant gratification society have I succombed to letting others do my thinking for me?
I think I have sometimes. But I am so thankful that He is faithful and doesn't let me get too comfortable in this spot. He loves me too much for that.
Christianity isn't about what we do or don't do. It isn't about what we look like. Whether we say the "right" things or not. Whether our family measures up to the family sitting in the front pew. Christianity is about a relationship. The only one that matters. The one between us and Jesus. And that is way more fulfilling than a habit.
The sub culture of Christianity...
the music "we" listen to
the phrases "we" glibly throw around...knowing others 'like us' will get it
the emblems on "our" cars
the books "we" buy by the bag full showing how educated and Christ-like we really are (because I just know Jesus cased Barnes and Noble looking for the latest book telling Him how to get it all together...or affirming that He already had it down)
So I am totally not making fun of my brothers and sisters in the faith. At all. This was simply a highly convicting moment for me.
You see, there isn't anything wrong with any of that. I'm not giving up my Toby Mac or love of reading. So why is this bothering me so much? Those things are all good things. But they aren't so great if they've replaced my 'first love.' Jesus. Have I replaced truly worshipping God by turning Christianity into...a habit?
I think there are many seasons that I've done just that...and I think I was just caught in one otherwise that single comment wouldn't have rattled around in this ol' skull of mine so persistently.
If we aren't very careful, we can let the joy of our relationship with Christ turn into simply another list of things to do and not to do. Tallying them up at the end of the week...making sure that we've 'acted' more like a Christian than not.
Where is the awe in that? The utter amazement at an amazing God. I can sing along to lyrics that proclaim His greatness. Or I can read books that talk about how good He is. But do I stop to meditate on His truths, His Word myself? In this fast-food, instant gratification society have I succombed to letting others do my thinking for me?
I think I have sometimes. But I am so thankful that He is faithful and doesn't let me get too comfortable in this spot. He loves me too much for that.
Christianity isn't about what we do or don't do. It isn't about what we look like. Whether we say the "right" things or not. Whether our family measures up to the family sitting in the front pew. Christianity is about a relationship. The only one that matters. The one between us and Jesus. And that is way more fulfilling than a habit.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tongue-in-Cheek...but not really
Okay, I have seriously had several thought-provoking ramblings rumbling inside this little brain of mine, but for now, this is what you will get. A little venting...but mostly humor. :)
I am debating on my new standard answer for all of those people who feel it is their duty to ask me, open-mouthed after founding out we were just blessed with our (gasp!) fourth child, whether we are done yet or if we have yet figured out "how that happens." My sister in law showed me a tongue-in-cheek article in a parenting magazine before I had Joy that made me giggle on this topic. Wow...I wish now I would have saved it. But...my naughty little mind isn't having much trouble coming up with my own this morning! So in response to: "So...you're done now...right?"...
1. Gosh, I'm just not sure. James didn't have enough items to deduct for his business on this year's taxes....so....
2. Well, you know...we homeschool...so, if I want to keep my job...
3. Ya' know, we just figured that God said "Be fruitful and multiply"...James and I kinda got a late start on this whole following-Christ deal so we figured we would make up for lost time by obeying this command with gusto!
4. Well I just don't know? We thought at one point, maybe we would just trade in our oldest for a new model...
Okay, so this probably isn't very funny to those of you who don't get "Nicki humor" or love me enough to overlook it but it gave me a giggle this morning. Sometimes people just give me the nudge I need to remember to watch my own conversations and how I respond to people. 'Cuz seriously people...it kinda takes the joy out of enjoying your new lil' one when someone stops to admire her and then says "But you're done now right?" We have a big happy bunch...and we thank God every single day for the full, crazy houseful that He has blessed us with.
Hope you laughed. I will work on a more serious post later...but right now, it's kind of crazy around here. You see, I have FOUR children running around....
;)
I am debating on my new standard answer for all of those people who feel it is their duty to ask me, open-mouthed after founding out we were just blessed with our (gasp!) fourth child, whether we are done yet or if we have yet figured out "how that happens." My sister in law showed me a tongue-in-cheek article in a parenting magazine before I had Joy that made me giggle on this topic. Wow...I wish now I would have saved it. But...my naughty little mind isn't having much trouble coming up with my own this morning! So in response to: "So...you're done now...right?"...
1. Gosh, I'm just not sure. James didn't have enough items to deduct for his business on this year's taxes....so....
2. Well, you know...we homeschool...so, if I want to keep my job...
3. Ya' know, we just figured that God said "Be fruitful and multiply"...James and I kinda got a late start on this whole following-Christ deal so we figured we would make up for lost time by obeying this command with gusto!
4. Well I just don't know? We thought at one point, maybe we would just trade in our oldest for a new model...
Okay, so this probably isn't very funny to those of you who don't get "Nicki humor" or love me enough to overlook it but it gave me a giggle this morning. Sometimes people just give me the nudge I need to remember to watch my own conversations and how I respond to people. 'Cuz seriously people...it kinda takes the joy out of enjoying your new lil' one when someone stops to admire her and then says "But you're done now right?" We have a big happy bunch...and we thank God every single day for the full, crazy houseful that He has blessed us with.
Hope you laughed. I will work on a more serious post later...but right now, it's kind of crazy around here. You see, I have FOUR children running around....
;)
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