A Loving God?

I started this day by reading an email about Rob Bell and his controversial book "Love Wins". I have not read this book so I will not claim to know all that is contained in its covers. But the gist of it seems to be that he is telling Christians everywhere that there is not really a hell per se...more of a second chance for us to choose Christ. A purgatory, if you will. And really when it comes down to it, he can't believe that a loving God would send anyone to hell, whether Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, whatever. So if this is where you would like to read in my blog that I am applauding Bell and his "new version of Christianity", then you should stop reading. If you want to read that I am tolerant and believe all roads lead to heaven, then definitely stop reading.

Rob Bell is quoted as saying "I have long wondered if there is a massive shift coming in what it means to be a Christian... something new is in the air."

Would you explain to me why that would be comforting to anyone other than a society who is out to be the most comfortable with the least effort? A faith that is over 2,000 years old is being redefined and we should be excited about this? My answer is a resounding NO.

The Bible is truth. The Bible is God's inspired Word to us. THAT is a loving God to me. He didn't leave us floundering here trying to figure out what to do, He gave us a guidebook. Of course, Bell also, in one of his popular Nooma vidoes (I watched many several years ago in an adult Sunday school class), repeatedly made statements concerning the "creation myth". Okay, this is another warning for you to check out of this blog now if you want me to be all tolerant and "we can read the Bible any way we see fit." The creation ACCOUNT is not a myth. It is truth. Just like every page in Scripture. So many people tell me the Bible is not relevant to their lives, that it doesn't make sense. If you don't read the Bible in its entirety and seek Bible study and teaching that will open it up for you, it might not make sense but it isn't because the answers aren't there. It's because our priorities put the Bible on a shelf and a remote in our hand or a computer monitor on our lap while we recline. (Hey, I'm not judging, I'm doing it right now!)

Okay, there is a point to my rant on reading the Bible. We say we want to "live like Jesus". We want to do good and obey God's commands. But we want to do that while not opening the pages of God's Word. How does that make sense? Don't get me wrong, I've had great Bible teaching, listened to amazing sermons and messages and rocked out to Christian music. And those are all great ways to stay connected and fellowship with believers. But we have this amazing gift to us - God's guide book...and we ignore it.

The danger in that?? More and more churches are popping up, preaching attractive doctrine that simply is not biblically sound. That is dangerous. Call me a fanatic. Call me intolerant. But really? I'm simply in awe of the God I read about and would not willingly choose to offend Him at any cost. I feel there is little more offensive than putting words in His mouth that He didn't say.

Okay, so I've been pondering this all day, extremely irritated at this extremely popular pastor who is spouting untruths that are being eaten up like candy by a spoiled, indulged society. His phrase that really ticks me off? "A loving God wouldn't condemn anyone to hell." Let me share how I ended my night.

Snuggled up with the kids, we read the Easter story and talked about why Good Friday is such a solemn day. I shared with my older two the graphic details of the beating and events leading to the crucifixion along with what a crucifixion actually would have looked like. (Condemn me here if you will but my children will understand truth.) We talked about (because of the wise questions of my 8 and 5 year old who know what a privilege it is to have a Bible in their very own hands) how Jesus didn't HAVE to live life as a human; He CHOSE to come to earth to live the same troubled human life we all endure. He walked the same roads, endured the same problems. All knowing that eventually He would die a gruesome death (don't let a Sunday school version of Jesus's death numb you to the reality). He endured a beating so severe, it ripped the skin from His body. He endured mocking and taunting as He walked death row...carrying His own cross. And He laid there as they pounded nails through His wrists and His ankles.

All the while, crying out that His Father would forgive the ones doing these deeds.

Forgive them, Father.

He was fully God but fully human. He hurt. He felt alone. And at that moment, He was...as He lay on that cross (look up crucifixion if you have ANY doubts as to the pain He would have endured), He WAS truly alone. His Father, so holy that He cannot be near sin, had to turn away as all sins that had been committed up to that time and would ever be committed were heaped upon His Son as He breathed His last. Your sins. My own. They are what held Him there.

God created us with a free-will. He didn't want more angels to do His bidding. He wanted humans, men and woman who would choose to love Him...but whom He would not force to do so. And when...in our independence, we chose over and over to reject Him (which an account of this is in...you guessed it...the Bible), He came to Earth Himself to take the punishment so we would not have to be divided from Him forever.

So Mr. Bell and any of you who would like to argue with me that if God would dare to condemn any to hell, He couldn't possibly be a Loving God...I would like to say shame on you. Because the love of my God was so very apparent by my Lord who lay dying on a cross, carrying my every sin, and saying "Father, forgive them."

And this is why today, I solemnly remember that sad day...but look forward to Easter morn...when the tomb was empty. Jesus has risen indeed, conquering the very gates of hell. And He will conquer any teaching that makes a mockery or untruth of His word. Woe be to those who choose the easy, attractive teaching, rather than sound truth. He wasn't taken lightly at His first coming - what will He find here on Earth at His second coming?

The Emotion of It All

If you haven't noticed, I talk a great deal about things being a balance...if you go off too far on one end of the spectrum or the other, then your world is off-kilter. Yep, you guessed it, I think about this and ponder it so much because I am completely UN-balanced! But...I'm a work in progress...

I was thinking about emotion the other day. At the exact same time I was ruefully asking God why He made me with so MUCH emotion, a friend was sending me an email with a beautiful line about celebrating emotion. Ironic, huh? I quickly quipped back to her in a short email that I wasn't exactly celebrating my emotion when I was rocking a baby to sleep, sobbing as I watched The Waltons because Daddy just didn't understand why Jason didn't want to go into the family business - he wanted to be a country music star! Even more ironically, when a gospel music show came on next, I didn't hesitate to roll my eyes at the elaborate show of emotion displayed.

So why can I display such emotion over some things and then hold others in disdain when they display similar emotion? I think one reason is my emotion scares me. I hate the roller coaster up and down feeling. I can certainly be ruled by my emotions and that is upsetting to a control freak like myself. I fear and am angered by the fact that in my humanness, I can be fine, positively giddy in fact, one moment and then feel like my life is topsy-turvy because of one insecurity. Because one person doesn't understand me. Because one situation in my life is not right. It could take one comment or look and I have dived from the mountain to the valley. This range of emotion scares me. God and I are working on this - He is teaching me a great deal about the reality of things and the fact that the only thing unchanging is...well, Him.

So maybe I fear that I will come across as someone who is keeling over in a faint, proclaiming the day of the Lord...yet, I realize that I cannot, as I try so often to do, contain the unfathomable mysteries and grandness of what makes our Christian faith. I cannot get it down to bare-bone facts.

You can't take the emotion out of the thing.

I don't want a faith that is based solely on emotional thrills. I have to be grounded in Scripture and know truth. Not just get carried away by the emotion of beautiful music or touching testimonies.

Yet, I cannot reduce Jesus and His truths to plain facts either. I must be well-versed in Scripture. I must study His Word faithfully and know the facts. But to become ritualistic or legalistic, or luke-warm in my faith, would be a great loss.

We serve a mighty God. An amazing God. And as He reveals more and more of Himself to us, as we learn more about Him and His Spirit, we will be filled with awe. Wonder. Spontaneous worship. A need to sing His praises. To write an emotion-filled blog. To share His love with an unbelieving world, tears in our eyes, gesturing wildly for others to understand.

So get the facts. Don't just let others tell you about Him or their philosophies, sell you on their brand of 'religion'. Pick up the Bible and find out yourself. Memorize Scripture. Get serious about Him. Be a scholar right there in your easy chair.

But don't be afraid to spontaneously lift your arms in praise, emotions overflowing and unashamedly praise Him. Because you can't put God in a box. You don't take Him out on Sundays or when things are really bad. Day in and day out, you will be amazed by this God who created us. And that is worth getting emotional about.

The Edge of His Cloak

Jesus Raises a Dead Girl and Heals a Sick Woman

 ⁴⁰ Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. ⁴¹ Then a man named Jairus, a synagogue leader, came and fell at Jesus’ feet, pleading with him to come to his house ⁴² because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.
   As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. ⁴³ And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years,^[a] but no one could heal her. ⁴⁴ She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
   ⁴⁵ “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
   When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
 ⁴⁶ But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
 ⁴⁷ Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. ⁴⁸ Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”  Luke 8: 40-48

We studied this passage in Scripture this Sunday at church; it has always been one of my favorites. In my head I see this woman and  cannot describe her without a lump coming to my throat and tears blurring my vision.

She feels bruised and discarded. She walks alone, cast off by a world who cannot fix her, a world who deems her unclean. Rejected. Frightened. Tired. The bleeding her body endures has taken every last bit of energy and strength. Looks of pity, or of disgust, come from those who know her, from a people who does not see her, but instead her ailment. She walks a lonely, hard road; hope has long since fled. She lives a life, daily, of utter hopelessness. Devastating helplessness.
Until one day, she hears about a man, a remarkable man. A man traveling through their region. Curing the sick. Healing the crippled. Fighting hypocrisy and injustice. And a small flame of hope is rekindled in her heart. She holds fast to that hope as she plans to see this man. She plays his name over her lips. Jesus. Could this man help her?

She fights the jostling crowds who have Jesus covered. She can see glimpses of his face through the crowd as she edges closer. She feels panicked, unsure, but knows she must see him. But he is moving with a purpose; she has heard Jairus's request and knows he is on his way to heal another. Yet surely, surely he could heal her too! She desperately, uncharacteristically pushes forward toward the man she knows can help her. No doubt is left in her heart as she nears him. The flame of hope in her heart has fanned into a fire and she reachs out for the tassel on the corner of his garment, knowing that one touch can save her.

Her fingers brush against the fabric and grab hold before she quickly releases his garment and falls back, shock and joy radiant on her face. She feels healing sweep through her body and her bleeding cease. The man named Jesus stops. He searches the crowd, questioning the people, and his gaze falls on her. Love shines from his eyes and he looks at her and hears her story, though he already knows every word. And then he says the one word that heals the wounds that are far deeper than her physical ailment...

"Daughter."

Pure joy rushes through her as he smiles and commends her faith. She is healed. But most of all, she is His.

Friend, whatever situation has you desperate, He knows. No matter how many people tell you that you are beyond hope, He disagrees. He is waiting, beckoning. Asking you to take hold of so much more that the edge of His cloak. To take hold of the life He offers. To be a son or daughter. To be His.

Puzzled

Puzzle pieces.

They are funny things. You start out with a box of misshapen pieces that are eventually formed together to make a beautiful picture. One worthy of saving, framing and displaying on the wall.

Such is life. Right?

Well I always thought so. After...well, let's just say, adventurous, high school and college years, I decided that life needed to make more sense. Add a college diploma, marriage, kids, a house (not necessarily in that order!!) and you have several pieces put together forming a picture. Whew, so a rough start...but we are on our way to putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

But then life happens. Sometimes the puzzle pieces don't fit where they are supposed to. Jobs are lost, loved ones die, others hurt you in very real ways, illness strikes, poverty reigns. Suddenly, instead of adding pieces to the puzzle, you feel as though you are removing pieces, rushing to fit them in a different way. To make things make sense.

So obviously my whole puzzle philosophy had a few glaring errors.

First, people.

Life is all about people. There are a thousand different types of relationships.

And the thing about people? They aren't a puzzle piece to be fit into your puzzle. Some people come into your life and serve you in amazing and unforgettable ways. Some stay. Some go. Some let you down. Actually all will eventually in some way let you down - just as you will in some way let others down in your life. Because people are...well, human. Imperfect humans that can't fill holes in your puzzle. Oh sure, people are undeniably important to the picture that is your life. But we can't base our life story on the changing nature of others. Because only one Person was ever truly unchanging. Which brings me to the next flaw in my original "life is like a puzzle" theory.

Jesus.

You see, in my original puzzle, church was definitely on the list. I think I even threw the Bible in there as an important piece of the puzzle. But see, it was like I was trying to form a life puzzle with a piece or two being about my faith. Yep, pretty impossible...but all too common.

Faith isn't something that you can keep in a box and take out Sunday mornings, and maybe for a mid-week Bible lesson. Nope, faith has to DRENCH all the pieces of your life, spilling over into everything. Relationships - both the easy, natural ones and the harder ones where you have to choose to love. Family life. Work. Every-day decisions. Yep, faith should color all of these pieces. There is no shaping faith or making it fit in a certain box. It simply must be the entirety of your life.

The reality that my puzzle just wasn't going to "make sense" on this side of heaven came hard to me. I want things to make sense! So I took the one piece out of my puzzle that never seemed to change and studied it. Studied Him. I read my Bible. Then read it again. The first few times were tough, let me tell you! But after reading it on my own, attending studies that explained the Word to me and immersing myself in all things Jesus...even the things that don't make sense come a little easier.

Because Jesus is unchanging. He walked this road. He knows how hard human life is. He died so this wouldn't be the end of our road. And as He reigns in heaven, waiting to come back and deliver us for eternity, He intercedes for us in prayer as we traverse our own road.

So my view of the puzzle was replaced by one of a winding road. The road began when I was born. My journey at that point colored by all of those around me most, family, teachers, mentors and friends. Yet, they don't define me. My Jesus does. And I know that He is at the ending point. I know where I am going, where I will end. But in the meantime, I am on this road. The scenery changes. Sometimes there are glorious rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes there is rain, mud splattering on my windshield and roadkill in the ditch. (Okay that part was a little morbid...but I won't delete it!) Because that is reality. That is life. There are turns in the road where we can't even imagine what will be waiting on the other side. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it isn't so great. And sometimes our car stalls on the side of the road. But, when our life and every one of those experiences is covered by the knowledge and power of God...the trip is easier. Because the ending is sure.

I encourage you today to not try to make the puzzle pieces fit (that is my goal for 2011!) Instead, keep your hands on the wheel, lift your voice in praise and drive on. Life doesn't always make sense. But when we reach our goal and our Father gently smiles and tells us "well done"...well, the trip will have been worth it. Amen? Amen.

The Manger Without the Cross

You can't have the manger without the cross.

Jesus Christ came to earth as a baby, dependent on mankind to clothe him and feed him, to care for him and teach him. That the God of the universe would humble Himself to journey the same road we have to travel astounds me. I simply cannot wrap my mind around this fact. He didn't have to come down at all, and he didn't have to come to earth in this way.

But he did. He came down as a baby, tiny and dependent. He grew the same way we grow, each phase and age. He didn't get to skip those first stumbling steps. He had to travel the rough waters of the teenage years. He was sometimes alone. He was sometimes crowded out of any sense of normalcy. He was often misunderstood. Rejected. He walked through human life.

Why? Why did he come down into the humblest of births? (Don't let the cute nativity scenes pictured in books fool you. Joseph and Mary were alone to bring their holy baby into the world. In a stable. There is nothing cute or cuddly about that.)

He came for one sole purpose.

The cross.

He came, lived a very human life, in order that he could take on the full burden of our sins and die on the cross. So when we cry out to him in pain or confusion, he can honestly, tenderly say "I have been there."

This truth hit me anew today. God chose the most humble walk he could...for me. For you. What other truths do I "know" so well (like the story of Christ's birth) that I have become almost desensitized to their significance?

Prayer: It is easy to tell someone you are praying. But true intercession, the kind that moves mountains, takes diligence and being intentional. It take surrendering your time and agenda to be in constant communication with the One who can stop time and agendas!

Faith: It is easy to tell someone to have faith, that 'God works all things for good.' Yet real faith is also intentional. And it is a battle. Because for every seed of faith you have, Satan wants to swoop in and plant instead seeds of doubt and discouragement.

Forgiveness: It is easy to preach forgiveness. After all, we say, God forgives us our sins. But it is quite another to forgive someone while they are hurting you or if they refuse to acknowledge their actions. But Christ doesn't give us conditions on which we can forgive. He simply says, "you must."

Spiritual life: It is easy to accept the fact that God is mighty and has angels to do his bidding. Yet you cannot read the Bible and accept that fact without recognizing that we are living in a fallen world, which is essentially Satan's playground. He breeds hurt, disappointment, death, disease. God is, has and will always overcome. But it is unwise to go into any war without an idea about our enemy. And we do have one here on this earth.

Oh there are so many more truths. Many, many that God wants you to uncover and to live out! But part of the problem is lack of knowledge - we talk about what Jesus would do...but we don't open our Bibles every single day to see what Jesus would do! How many of our philosophies are based on something that isn't even found in Scripture?? The other part of the problem is application. Knowing...but not applying. It does us absolutely no good to study the Word, to pore over Christ's example...if we aren't going to do a thing about it.

You may have this down to an art. I do not. God is daily convicting me that in order to have the priviledge of talking the talk, I must walk the walk. I cannot tell others to forgive, if I am unwilling to do so with abandon! I cannot tell others to pray if I am not diligent and constantly in tune with the Father. I cannot tell someone else to follow Jesus Christ if I am not applying his every direction to my own life.

Jesus Christ came to us, a tiny babe in a manger. The humblest of births.
He then died on the cross. The most sacrificial of deaths.
Oh - but the life he lived in between! Study his days. And model after them.

It's a worthy journey!

Growing Pains

When I was little, my mom contributed any complaint of pain - no matter its origin - to "growing pains."

Me: "Mom, my legs hurt."
Mom: "It's okay, honey. It's just growing pains. Go lay quietly and read a book."

Me: "Oh, Mom! My stomach really hurts."
Mom: "Sweetie, it's just growing pains. Go lie down and read a book."

Me: "Um, Mom?? I'm bleeding profusely."
Mom: "It'll be okay, Nicki. It's just growing pains. Grab your book and rest a little."

Okay, I am in jest. If I was bleeding, Mom would not have told me to lie down; she would've definitely wanted me to stand...over the linoleum where I wouldn't stain anything. Okay, I'm still joking. (Mom, I miss you and can see you right now, shaking your head and sighing, "Nicki, Nicki, Nicki"...but you'd be smiling inside!)

But in reality, for a freakishly large girl, even as a child towering over boys and girls alike, I went through my periods of growing pains. I gratefully left those days behind me, thankfully topping out at 6'3". I thought my growing days (upwards at least!) were behind me.

But lately, I have been feeling strangely familiar pangs.

And I am pretty sure they are growing pains.

But instead, they are now pains of the heart and soul. I think God is growing me.

As I daily study His Word, talk with Him and abide in Him, He grows me. He stretches me. And sometimes, I feel growing pains. My heart hurts. As I shed old ways, my heart hurts. As I break old habits, there is some pain. As I stop defending myself, I hurt at the thought of what others think of me.

Growing pains.

There are times when I make huge strides, through the grace of God alone. And many times those periods of growth and understanding are followed by times of trial and testing.

Growing pains.

There are times I renew my life to Christ, knowing anew that my worth is in Him alone. That He is the only Judge I will answer to. My words and actions need to align with His Word. But when the Truth I am gaining from His Word comes against the world, even those I love, I hurt.

Growing pains.

When I was little, I would stand exasperated staring at my mother when she would utter those words "growing pains." What did that mean? Well, to be honest, I'm still not really sure. Yet I know that without growth, I wouldn't be where I am today. Obviously, growth is vital for the human body.

But what about the soul?

Of course we should grow. If we stayed as infants spiritually, how sad that would be! We might escape the growing pains that come from aligning our life with Christ. Yet, I am without doubt that we would continue to feel more and more pain and helplessness.

So Lord, grow me. Stretch me. When I think I've got it, test me. But most of all then, cover me.

And I can see that beautiful mama of mine from her lofty perch in Heaven, smiling down at me. Even when there are times my heart hurts and my soul thirsts. Even as I reach moments when I cry out that I cannot take another test. Even when the littlest things send me tearfully to my knees. Even then, I think she is smiling as I like to imagine my Jesus doing, saying, "It's okay, child. You are just feeling growing pains."

On the Way to Broken

For a brief moment today, I got it.

I took an incident and turned it over to God. Just quietly hung my head and said, "Lord, I don't have this. I can't do it. You can. Please work through me. Help me abide in You and be led by the Spirit in me."

And the strangest thing happened.

Calm rushed over me. Peace filled my veins. No, I don't have the answer. But it doesn't matter. God isn't asking me to. He is asking me to simply lean on Him.

Oh, what utter relief!

So this is what they mean by brokenness. Utter dependence on the only One who can meet our every need.

That is a hard thing to accept. None of us really wants to be dependent on anyone for anything - much less everything.

Oh, but that brief taste of relief when I handed it over to Him! When I stopped analyzing. Stopped questioning my role. Stopped trying to figure out how to fix. He spoke so clearly to my soul.

Just be still.

You don't have to please anyone else.

Keep your focus on Me.

Quit worrying so much about what those around you think.

In fact, over and over, God has pointed me to the same Scripture this week, through different devotions and books I am reading. Amazing how He works in themes in my life! I was pointed to Paul's words as he explains that he is only accountable to His Father, no one else:

1 Corinthians 4

The Nature of True Apostleship

 ¹ This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. ² Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. ³ I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. ⁴ My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. ⁵ Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

This may be very elementary to you. But it is groundbreaking for me. The simplest of ideas has finally clicked for me.

I will never fully please my Father, until I stop worrying about everything and everyone else around me. If I put Him first, His will before all else, He will always guide me in the way to go. And it will be the right way.

And this is scary! To be utterly dependent on God means that those around us very much may not understand us. It means that sometimes, though He helps us stand, we may be standing alone, in an earthly sense.

I have fought utter brokenness, Even as I am doing all I can to get to the point of just leaning on God, I am doing it in my own power. I am trying to manifest dependence on God. When I need to simply be leaning on Him like a small child.

I tend to act as my smallest child. Mollie, at two years of age, wants very badly to be independent. When she is frustrated or tired, she may cry out for my help while trying her hardest to fix for herself whatever has her frustrated. And she is mad that she needs my help and fights against my efforts.

How I resemble that when I fight so much for control even as I am trying to hand the reigns over to God. I hand them over, then hurriedly grab them back, shouting, "No I can do it myself!"

Instead I want to model after Mollie, when she comes to me, wide-eyed and trusting. When she hands something over to me and sweetly, sometimes resignedly, says, "Mommy, help pwease."

I want to be dependent on God for my every need. To overcome the pull of my emotions. The pull of the world. The pull of what is considered normal and common sense. I want to worry only about the opinion of the One who is judging not just my actions, but the motives of my heart. How silly to be so concerned with the opinions of those around me that I am ignoring the pull of my Heavenly Father's arms and desire to lead me through this life.

Yes, I am on my way to broken...but the thing is, I didn't find the devastation I imagined. When I handed it all over to my Father, in that moment, I felt peace and joy.

Lord, make that brief moment one of many.