Growing Pains

When I was little, my mom contributed any complaint of pain - no matter its origin - to "growing pains."

Me: "Mom, my legs hurt."
Mom: "It's okay, honey. It's just growing pains. Go lay quietly and read a book."

Me: "Oh, Mom! My stomach really hurts."
Mom: "Sweetie, it's just growing pains. Go lie down and read a book."

Me: "Um, Mom?? I'm bleeding profusely."
Mom: "It'll be okay, Nicki. It's just growing pains. Grab your book and rest a little."

Okay, I am in jest. If I was bleeding, Mom would not have told me to lie down; she would've definitely wanted me to stand...over the linoleum where I wouldn't stain anything. Okay, I'm still joking. (Mom, I miss you and can see you right now, shaking your head and sighing, "Nicki, Nicki, Nicki"...but you'd be smiling inside!)

But in reality, for a freakishly large girl, even as a child towering over boys and girls alike, I went through my periods of growing pains. I gratefully left those days behind me, thankfully topping out at 6'3". I thought my growing days (upwards at least!) were behind me.

But lately, I have been feeling strangely familiar pangs.

And I am pretty sure they are growing pains.

But instead, they are now pains of the heart and soul. I think God is growing me.

As I daily study His Word, talk with Him and abide in Him, He grows me. He stretches me. And sometimes, I feel growing pains. My heart hurts. As I shed old ways, my heart hurts. As I break old habits, there is some pain. As I stop defending myself, I hurt at the thought of what others think of me.

Growing pains.

There are times when I make huge strides, through the grace of God alone. And many times those periods of growth and understanding are followed by times of trial and testing.

Growing pains.

There are times I renew my life to Christ, knowing anew that my worth is in Him alone. That He is the only Judge I will answer to. My words and actions need to align with His Word. But when the Truth I am gaining from His Word comes against the world, even those I love, I hurt.

Growing pains.

When I was little, I would stand exasperated staring at my mother when she would utter those words "growing pains." What did that mean? Well, to be honest, I'm still not really sure. Yet I know that without growth, I wouldn't be where I am today. Obviously, growth is vital for the human body.

But what about the soul?

Of course we should grow. If we stayed as infants spiritually, how sad that would be! We might escape the growing pains that come from aligning our life with Christ. Yet, I am without doubt that we would continue to feel more and more pain and helplessness.

So Lord, grow me. Stretch me. When I think I've got it, test me. But most of all then, cover me.

And I can see that beautiful mama of mine from her lofty perch in Heaven, smiling down at me. Even when there are times my heart hurts and my soul thirsts. Even as I reach moments when I cry out that I cannot take another test. Even when the littlest things send me tearfully to my knees. Even then, I think she is smiling as I like to imagine my Jesus doing, saying, "It's okay, child. You are just feeling growing pains."