To Be Like Him

I am deeply broken and humbled tonight.

I struggle with many, many things in my Walk (which means you will read many, many blogs!) But one of the things I've struggled with most is forgiveness. Does forgiving mean forgetting? Is forgiving someone's mistakes, condoning those mistakes? And how do you forgive someone who keeps making the same offense over and over; isn't that when you just cut ties?

So I decided (in my spiritual laziness, my Bible unopened by my side) to 'google' "verses on forgiveness." I expected to see the usual (forgive your brother, give mercy if you want the same mercy from your Father in heaven, etc.) Was I humbled by what I saw.

In my first search, every verse was about God's forgiveness and mercy towards me. Verse after verse painted beautiful promises of His unconditional, radical love for me. A love that covers all offenses. When He looks at me, He sees me pure and white - in the midst of this messy, sin-filled life I live.

I can only respond in utter gratitude and unworthiness. Yet it is still hard for me to remember that He sees those who hurt me, sin against me, in the same way.

And another picture comes to mind.

A man. Bleeding. Falling. Thorns upon His head. Heavy wooden beams across His back. Men spitting, jeering, mocking. Cruel laughter. Insult after insult. Lies.

Disciples scattered. Mother sobbing. The faithful following, shocked, horrified at the turn of events.

Over their sobbing rings loud, raucous laughter. One man slaps another on the back, grinning maliciously as our Lord stumbles. Dirt and small rocks stick to the bloodied slashes that cover His once strong, upright frame.

As they reach their destination, they swiftly and crudely nail Him to the wooden beams. His cry of pain is not heard over the loud cheering and taunting. As they raise Him to the air for all to see His disgrace, they add written words to mock Him yet more.

Pain-filled eyes scan the crowd. A mob of people look on, some with eyes adverted while others gaze on with the dumbstruck air of one who has witnessed catastrophy. A small crowd of women hold on to each other, sobbing profusely, covering His mother in tears and love. Loud men continue to scorn and mock, ridiculing this Man.

One word.

That is all it would have taken. He could have called down legions of angels. He could have manifested power greater than we could imagine in our wildest dreams. He could have been delivered. He could have bloodied the same men who stood leering at Him with the bloodlust of the wicked.

He did cry out.

But not for justification. Not for vengence. Not to show them how wrong they all were. No. Instead His words stop my blood cold.

"And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do ..."  Luke 23:34

Know not what they do??? They continually spit in His face, beat Him, purposefully NAILED Him to a cross. And He cries out not for justification? Not for revenge? Not to try one more time to get them to see His point of view?

More bone-chilling is their response. Surely at this point, they realize they have done wrong. This is a holy man. But no. The second part of Luke 23:34:

"And they cast lots to divide his garments."

I imagine that He can barely utter words, yet cried out for their forgiveness as He hangs dying, His body broken and bleeding. All sin of man taken unto Himself as His Father has to turn away. And He cried out for their forgiveness.

And they cast lots for His clothes.

Oh, Father! How arrogant am I? That I think there are statutes or limitations on what I can bear?!! You took on MY sin. Died the most painful, humiliating death so that I would not suffer eternal death. And I want to know at what point I can quit trying and write off someone who hurts me? Forgive me, Father. I most obviously, know not what I do. Lord, as I am ready to hurl the first stone at another, please give me a glimpse of myself, no matter how painful. That I might remember:


"“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
Matthew 7:1-5

But most of all, might I remember that my own sin was the very sin that made it so that You were nailed up on that cross. Might I always see Your risen self...but never forget that before You rose, You died. For me.

And never, in the face of Your sacrifice, will I dismiss it and instead "cast lots for your clothing." No, may I  stand, without adverting my eyes, and take in all that You sacrificed for me. And live a life worthy of that sacrifice. Oh, please help me to honor You.